Warning: I’m about to be vain.
I love myself. Of course, there are a few physical traits that I wish I could tailor to my liking but I have always loved my personality. Put me in a room full of strangers and I’d come out with a new family, a few phone numbers and ten new Facebook friends. I love my outgoing spirit, my hobbies and interests.
I’m sure most of you are thinking, “Good for her. She’s confident!”
Believe me, that’s what I thought for the longest time.
I had confused self-confidence with self-obsession. Being in love with myself ultimately kept me from being in love with the one who made me that way.
My whole life, I had been told I was supposed to be God’s clay in order for Him to mold me for His glory. I often resisted when my parents tried to mold me. Imagine my rebellion towards an intangible God trying to alter my prized persona.
With every piece of my personality that I yielded to change for Him, I added a brick to the wall that I was building between me and God. Eventually, I had built a wall between us that was so sturdy, the mention of His name felt awkward.
Imagine waking up every single morning and looking out your window expecting to see the rising sun and the green grass. Instead of seeing the natural beauty on the opposing side of the pane, there was a brick wall blocking your view of the world. We all build walls. Perhaps you’ve gradually been constructing one the past year. Maybe you’ve been building one your whole life.
The worst quality about walls- we get so used to the unappealing view, we forget what they’re hiding.
Believe me when I say that the reoccurring view of dusty, red brick gets old.
I’m here to tell you the wall you’re tired of looking at, the wall that is blocking your view of the beautiful world, the wall between what you are now and what you’re called to be can be torn down.
A few months ago, someone gave me a glimpse of the sunshine that would shine through if I would take down the brick wall in front of my window. Intrigued, I removed a brick or two. I began with bricks that didn’t bear any weight and ones I forgot I placed to begin with. Something was so appealing about what was peering through the holes. Once a golden ray of God’s light touched my skin, I found myself wanting to knock the wall down.
Each thing that kept me from God, every calling that I refused to follow, and all the self-obsessions came crashing down.
There have been times I wondered if taking the wall down so quickly was a good idea- that maybe I should have continued brick by brick. There have been times when I thought that God was trying to take something from me when he was merely trying to redirect me to something better. There have been times when I have felt tempted to grab cement and a few clay bricks so I could build the wall back up. Since the day that I finally saw the beauty behind that ugly wall, the self-obsessed person that I loved so much has done a lot of changing. I won’t tell you that it has been easy. In fact, it’s been a really challenging adjustment for me and those around me.
However, it is 100% worth it.
If you had found me on UGA’s campus last fall and asked me what my next semester would look like, I wouldn’t have told you that I would be involved in 2 campus ministries, a local church, 2 small groups, singing in a praise band, getting ready to lead a small group, minoring in Religion…
…and still wanting more.
It’s the light.
If you are looking out your window today and all you see is a dirty, old wall you constructed, let in His light. Let it warm your cold skin. Your Father is calling you with open arms. Get a glimpse of the beautiful world you’ve been missing- and don’t do it brick by brick like I did.
Bring in a wrecking ball.
Soak up the light,